Also the only person I want to talk to is, in fact, rejecting me.
Watching the Scarlet Letter instead of reading the stoopid bewk >
Poor Pearl though… The girls and boys of Massachusetts Bay Colony throw mud at her and push her down on the ground. Those stupid bitches.They call her ‘cry baby’ and other mean names while she sits there on the ground all dirty and sad… How rude, you know?
How did I lose 9 pounds? What in the… I haven’t even been trying this week.. But I haven’t weighed in since Monday because we packed up our scale for the house showing. Fuckin’ weird. Today in Comm Apps I made this chart of goal weights. And basically every five pounds I lose, I get a reward type thing. I’m really excited to do it because it’s all stuff that I really want. Lots of motivation to keep losing weight. :)
So. This new Tumblr things. Sounded like a good idea to me at first, but now I’m beginning to question my sanity in sharing all these thoughts with you. It might get… Rather bumpy.
Until next time.
You might not like some of the things on this blog, if you’re just coming over from my old blog. But hey. It’s me and it’s what I think about. I’m done hiding. Here I am, this is me. Take it or leave it.
When I get home from school I will be editing both blogs. Deleting all my personal stuff from afearoffalling and turning into the pretty hipster blog I want it to be. Ha. Follow if you don’t already… Otherwise. Thank you all for being such great supporters of this blog (used to be hipbonesandweed). Feel free to unfollow if you don’t want a bunch of text posts about life, love, hurt, pain, disordered thoughts, and self-harm.
And people that I know in real life. Like kids that I go to school with that I love enough to not make this blog password protected… Don’t judge. And don’t hate. Everyone has issues and everyone has ways of coping. Just because mine are different from yours doesn’t mean I need you up in my business telling me that you love me and that I’m beautiful and shit… This is not a sympathy blog. This is a thought blog.
Now, anyone that took the time to read this… Thank you.
Love, Jacque.
(Please note, I don’t mean to offend. I have been carrying a lot of this baggage with me over the last year and I really need to let it out. Also, excuse any grammatical errors, it’s 3am and I’ve only had six hours of sleep before this point. Also, don’t take any statements to heart. It’s been with me for a while and I need to let it out.)
Just the fact that you said that at the end of the post, tells me that you still care. Even though you just told me that everything is over and I have to move on… Fuck, I miss you.
I fucking hate this. I want you to come back. It’s not okay that you’ve left me. God, fuck. I’m alone back here because you’re 1200 miles away. Fuck.
-.- what kind of question is this. Who cares? It’s not bad, it’s not good. Shit. Humans and their damn morals. If you want to do it, then do it. Don’t sit here and think ‘woe is me, I’m just a bad person’ just because you want to. You want to? By all means, go. Don’t regret anything. Trust me, when the time comes and you miss the opportunity to say “Don’t get on that plane, Hunter” you’ll realize that you fucked up and you can’t take it back.
God what am I even talking about?
What was the question?
Oh yeah. No. It’s not bad.
Sometimes I just want to kill you. Why can’t you see that I’m hurt? Why can’t you see that every mother fucking day that passes is another day I want to fucking kill myself and everyone around me? Fuck it, you know? I try so hard to put on this fake “I’m not sad that he left! I haven’t even cried about it!” routine, but I fucking cry every fucking night. My heart literally aches. I see no point in continuing on in life without you. I really don’t. I can’t take another year of this and it’s only been three weeks. Oh, wait. Two more years of this.
WAKE UP. REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU SAY TO ME DOESN’T WORK. REALIZE THAT I’M NOT JUST ‘IN A BAD MOOD’. REALIZE THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. PLEASE, SWEETIE. OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT I NEED YOU.
